Reassurances
by Moonlitdaydream
Summary: "Am I going to die?" Harry has a heartbreaking question for Sirius.
1. Chapter 1

**This is something a little different for me. I would absolutely love any reviews- any comments you may have to help me improve my writing. Thank you.**

Reassurances

"Sirius"

"Hmmm?"

"Am I going to die?"

Sirius choked on his tea and stared across the table at his fifteen year old Godson. He set his mug down on the table abruptly. "Of course you're not going to die! Why on Earth would you say such a thing?!" he exclaimed, more forcefully than he had intended.

It was a quiet afternoon at Grimmauld Place, two days after Harry and the Weasley children had arrived. The day after Arthur had been almost killed by a giant snake. Everyone was hospital visiting, and Harry and Sirius had been sitting peacefully together in the kitchen. Well, Sirius had been peaceful. Clearly Harry could not say the same.

The boy flinched a little at the harsh tone in Sirius' voice, but carried on bravely. "Voldemort's never going to let me rest is he? He's never going to leave me alone. And if it's not him that kills me it will be his Death Eaters. Or Umbridge. It just seems inevitable really. Death, I mean. For me." Harry didn't sound scared. Or upset, or sad. Just tragically matter of fact.

For the first time since he had arrived Sirius looked at Harry, properly looked at him. His bright green eyes were ringed with purple shadows, and Harry seemed to have lost weight in his face. His hair, always uncontrollable, was particularly wild today. Clearly it had not seen a hairbrush in several days. The worst part of all, the thing that caused Sirius' heart to clench painfully, was that Harry looked so completely and utterly defeated. Any fight the boy might have had left had been battered away by one terrible event after another.

Sirius felt his already fractured heart splinter further. Harry was fifteen. A child really, far too young to be so calm about his own death. So certain that there was no other way.

Sirius slid off his chair and crossed the table, kneeling right in front of Harry. His Godson was looking anywhere but at Sirius, so he gently took hold of Harry's chin and forced his eyes to look up. At the sudden contact Harry's eyes started to fill with tears, but he blinked them back and straightened himself up.

"Harry" Sirius began gently "I am not going to pretend that we haven't got a fight ahead of us. Things weren't easy last time and they're certainly not going to be again. But you have to remember, please know that you are not alone. I-"

"But that's just it isn't it?" Harry interrupted. "It's me he wants. It's me he's always wanted. Since the day he killed my parents. He's destroyed; he's going to keep destroying everyone I love until he gets to me. And I don't stand a chance Sirius; I can't fight them all alone. I just can't". Harry was bordering on the hysterical now, words coming out in a frightened jumble. Sirius, acting on an instinct he didn't know he had, pulled Harry forwards and held him in a very tight embrace. He said nothing, knowing that words would not console the now sobbing boy in his arms.

After five minutes Harry seemed to have cried all of his worries into Sirius' shoulder. He gave a quiet sniff and raised his head to look at his Godfather. "I'm so sorry" he whispered, the faint flush of embarrassment reddening his cheeks.

Sirius gave a sad smile. "You are not going to die" he said firmly "You have been through so much, and I am not going to lie to you and say your life is going to get any easier any time soon. But, and it is very important you believe this Harry, you are not alone. You have your friends; you have Dumbledore and the Order. But more than that, so much more important than that is that you have me. I love you more than anyone else in this whole world, and I am not going to let anything happen to you."

Harry gazed at Sirius, and for the first time his eyes betrayed the first signs of hope. He sniffed, and wiped his eyes once more. "Thank you" he breathed.

Sirius nodded his head ever so slightly. The two sat in a more companiable silence for several minutes, both drinking their now lukewarm tea.

Then a terrible thought struck Sirius, as he recalled Harry's earlier words. "Err, Harry? What did you mean when you said "If it's not him that kills me it will be Umbridge?"

Harry went very very still.

 **To be continued..**


	2. Chapter 2

**For some reason I really struggled with this chapter. If you read some of my other stories, especially 'Butterflies' you will see I don't usually write a lot of dialogue. This hasn't turned out quite like I wanted- any comments on how to improve would be most welcome. All reviews, positive or improvements are always good.**

The argument going on inside Harry's head seemed to have taken two distinct sides. The first, and possibly more reasonable, side sounded suspiciously like Ron. "Tell him Harry" it demanded "He's just said he's not going to let anything happen to you. Tell him and he can stop her."

This was the logical suggestion of course, but Harry being Harry was becoming more swayed by the second voice, his own. "He'll go mental" it warned "probably storm into Hogwarts and end up straight back in Azkaban. And it'll all be your fault, like everything else". A convincing argument, thought Harry, who resolved to keep his mouth shut.

Sirius allowed Harry exactly one minute of silence before giving a slight cough, jolting the boy back to his senses.

"I er, I didn't say that Sirius you must have misheard" he stammered unconvincingly. Sirius would have laughed had he not been so concerned. Harry really was a terrible liar, his true thoughts always showed on his face. It was one of his most endearing qualities in Sirius' eyes. That Harry could have grown up the way he did, and still be a fundamentally honest person, was nothing short of a miracle.

"Harry, after everything we have just talked about, surely you know you can tell me anything". Sirius' face betrayed a brief moment of hurt, only to change back to honest worry.

Harry felt terrible, Sirius had become more like a father to Harry during his stays at Grimmauld Place. He had stood up for Harry when everyone thought he was too young to go to Order meetings, showed him pictures of his Mum and Dad, and just now as good as said he was willing to lay down his life to save Harry. Not that Harry would ever let him of course, but it was nice to have someone who cared. His earlier resolve was already crumbling.

"You've got to promise me you won't go mental."

Sirius smiled tightly, this couldn't be good. "I solemnly swear that I will not, as you so elegantly put it, 'go mental.'"

Harry gently pushed his sleeve back, and held his scarred hand up in front of Sirius' face. For a second Sirius looked very confused as he stared at it. Then it was as though a storm cloud had passed over those grey eyes, and he looked almost frightening.

"Blood quill?" he asked dangerously, and his tone told Harry in no uncertain terms that telling the truth was his only option.

"Yes" the boy whispered, then feeling as though he might as well get it over with, "every night. She gives me detention practically just for breathing, then makes me write 'I must not tell lies'".

Sirius stood up suddenly, kicking his chair over in the process. Before Harry could do anything Sirius had strode over to the fireplace, taken a handful of Floo Powder, and threw it into the flames. He stuck his head into the fire and roared "DUMBLEDORE" so loudly it caused Harry to jump out of his chair.

Harry could hear Sirius muttering something furiously to who he assumed was Dumbledore on the other side. Then his Godfather withdrew his head, and shook the ash from his shaggy hair. Turning around and spotting the alarm on Harry's face, Sirius gave a reassuring half smile. "It's alright Harry, we will get this sorted out."

The fireplace sprang into life again and out stepped Albus Dumbledore, dusting off his purple robes. "Sirius, ah and Harry! What is the problem?" he asked mildly, offering a bag of Sherbert Lemons.

Sirius shook his head furiously, and gestured towards Harry. "What the hell is going on at your school Albus? Have you lost all control over your staff?" He was working very hard to keep from shouting.

Dumbledore's sharp eyes looked at Harry, "I am going to need a little more information Sirius. Why don't we sit down and discuss this properly. I rather think Harry looks like he could use a cup of tea." Harry did feel rather faint, and he sat down back at the table. Sirius looked at him guiltily for a moment before waving his wand. Tea and a plate of biscuits appeared.

"Show Professor Dumbledore your hand Harry" Sirius instructed, wanting to waste no time in getting that bit..that woman brought to justice. Harry decided it was easier just to obey. A chain of events had started that was now completely beyond his control, and so it was easier to just go along with it. He offered his sore hand to Dumbledore silently, and closed his eyes against the inevitable anger.

Dumbledore read the words etched forever into Harry's skin and a cold fury passed over his aged face. Sirius' reaction had been scary, Dumbledore's was downright terrifying. There was a deathly silence, and both Harry and Sirius held their breaths as they waited for the headmaster to speak. "Who did this to you Harry?" he asked, voice furious but calm.

Harry looked at Sirius uncertain, but at the nod of his Godfather's head he recounted the whole sorry tale. He took a sip of his tea, simply to stop his hands from fidgeting in his lap.

"I owe you an apology Harry. I should have realised that woman would not..that this was happening" he said "I shall be in touch with the Minister at once, and I can assure you that I will do everything in my considerable power to have her removed from Hogwarts immediately. I only hope in time you can forgive this terrible lack of judgement."

Harry was taken aback by the sincerity and regret in Dumbledore's voice. "Professor, none of this was your fault I should have kept my mouth shut about Voldemort, I shouldn't have-"

"Don't you dare blame yourself for this Harry Potter" Sirius warned. "Thank you Albus, I trust you will stay true to your word and have that woman gone".

Dumbledore nodded, and with a swish of purple robes vanished once more in a flash of green flame.

His absence left a heavy silence as both Harry and Sirius were unsure how to carry on. Sirius felt like a complete failure. His Godson had been tortured, and falling apart before his very eyes and he hadn't even noticed. What kind of Godfather was he? A failure of one, that's what.

Harry felt empty. No, not empty, he realised, lighter. He was exhausted, and felt like he could sleep for a week, but all of the worries he had been carrying around with him had gone. Sure, Voldermort was still after him, and the Death Eaters too, but he knew now that there were people looking out for him.

"Harry?" Sirius knealt down in front of Harry and swept his long hair away from his e yes "no more secrets OK? From now on we have a deal with each other. No more lies and no more secrets. We tell each other everything. Agreed?"

Harry nodded, and for the first time in what seemed like years a genuine smile lit up his face, "agreed".


End file.
